I wonder sometimes about the importance we place on making a great first impression.  I know we’ve all heard the expression “you never get a second chance to make a first impression” and all the significance we give our handshake, looking people in the eye, having the right questions to ask and all the other strategies we learn to make a great first impression.  Not only are we taught this from an early age but we also learn to use this technique to quickly judge and assess others around us to determine if we want to invest any more time with them.

I believe this philosophy costs us dearly and limits us from pursuing relationships with people who may not make great first impressions but are worthy of our attention.

I say this because I’ve met so many people in my life - business and personal - who I was mesmerized by after my initial meeting with them.  They were sharp, polished, interesting, informative - seemed like a well put together package.  But after spending real time with them, it became clear that there was no real substance to this outer polish.  Little by little I learned that their greatest attribute was in fact making a great first impression -  “Lots of frosting but no cake.”

And then there are those that I barely noticed the first few times of meeting them.  They stayed in the background instead of “working the room”, listened rather than talked, observed rather than trying to be the center of attention.  But over time, as I got to know them, it became clear that they were high quality individuals who through every encounter revealed another dense substantive layer.  They had a lot of “cake underneath the imperfect frosting.”

I thank my lucky stars so often that I didn’t brush certain people off who over time became important mentors, friends, colleagues and clients for me.  I also have far too many instances where I wish I would have delved deeper much quicker to those who dazzled me from the start.

First impressions are important.  So are gut, intuitive reactions.  There are actually brain functions that make it almost impossible not to make a lot of meaning out of a first impression.  It goes back to our caveman days where we needed that quick ability to assess whether we were in danger or not.  I think we need to be more aware of the emphasis we have put on too many superficial traits that over time don’t hold up and spend more time getting to the substance.  As we evolve as humans, we have to be willing to spend more than a few seconds instantly assessing whether people are “worthy” of our time.  Because, for the most part, aren’t they all?

Wendy Lieber, Athena Marketing